Getting to the other side…(Pt. 1)

Hello friends… I’m writing because I know I need to…so that I get past my head and into my heart in all of what I’m facing. I believe that if you knew what I was feeling you’d ask me to share it…and because you don’t, I’m just going ahead and doing that for you – for my heart’s sake and for the sake of expressing it before I blow up with it inside of me.

If I could ask for this one thing: Please hear me with your heart as I vent (the stuff of my head) to get to the other side…and thank you in advance for helping me love myself. I’m NOT looking for a handout – I just need to vent so that it won’t feel damn lonely inside. Thank you for listening… and being with me!

Progressively, these last two weeks of the month (as well as most months) has been the toughest for us… There’s been hardly any money flowing in, I don’t get my monthly contribution till the last day of this week (first Friday following the 1st), we are just about empty in the gas tanks, a little ground meat, some pasta and sauce, a few bananas and a box of cereal and some yogurt is just about all we have left to eat. We WILL make it through this lean time…so be assured we won’t starve. It’s just that my son doesn’t understand why I have to constantly say (when he asks for the normal snacks), “I’m sorry – we don’t have any of that right now Caeden” and Dash is too young to know how to ask. When all that happens the trusting and God-centered state of “we are gonna get through this” feels like it flies out the window because the kids are hungry for their favorite snacks and they don’t understand why we can’t go buy more yet, (one of the smaller financial issues we face).

This past week Michelle said she would go find some work… but that isn’t possible with our choice of parenting. Then she mentioned that “it would be nice if we just had at least one more client-company” around the size we have now, so that we aren’t so strapped and broke half of the month. She’s right…but who do I call on? Which triggers my own frustrations with and resistance to making the calls for that to happen. Even my individual clients(who are really FRIENDS) seem to be all out of money too…so getting paid for showing up when they are in need of us, is not guaranteed either (which is an agreement we have mutually agreed upon). So, All of this really doesn’t make sense to us (in the head)… so we just carry on and trust that God’s working it all out…and it always does happen somehow.

Saturday while in Whole Foods (to get free samples to eat for their “taste of the holidays”) in lieu of the snacks we didn’t have, I noticed one of their shopping bags that said something like: “The Path is what we’ve chosen…” and it struck me with a shot of perspective…that we have “chosen” to do our life’s work, even if it doesn’t provide consistent payments, insurance, or any guarantees at all (at least the way we think we need them) … in lieu of trusting God to provide surrendering to his invitation to trust that “it will all work out” (which is a state that we seem to forget often these days). So, in writing this all… I’m asking for what I really need - to be reminded that God’s ways are not our own and that He has it all worked out – and usually just in time. Missing THAT is to miss the whole point.

The two extreme opposites that I sit here with is interestingly beautiful: on one hand I’m freaking out and the other is that “I get it” and feel very trusting that everything is as it is supposed to be – Perfect, in a spiritual sense. Grabbing a hold of the one that matters most (in my heart) and putting the head/ego in its proper perspective is my work to do…but then there’s this thought of just going out and getting a regular job (fear talking) to guarantee something so that I don’t have to trust God for the “daily manna” will (should) be there in the morning.(Hum…I’m a mess at times aren’t I?)

Recently I was inspired to play around with some words and their meanings and came up with this one: MIRROR. A word used often in my conversations and those around me. And the truth behind this is really needed in the moment…

M y
I nner
R eflective
R eminder
O ffering
R ealignment
….Realignment to God, the Truth, Life, the journey, understanding, surrender, etc…

So, there you go…

I’ve vented and feel better now… thank you for your love and holding us in your heart as we continue on in the journey.

And a reminder for you…Fixing it isn’t the answer (nor could you), SO… could we just have a sacred moment together to mutually be reminded and feel whatever we are feeling so that we get to the other side of it? I’ve found that after the rusty pipes get flushed out – there’s plenty of fresh water in unlimited supply (abundance) on the other side… (feeling it now) which makes the venting or flushing a process in remembering and being refreshed with all that is needed – unconditional Love in the moment, God’s way to expand our perspective (and acceptance) of it all.

So, what is on the other side of this? Well, 1) Michelle has a couple of new clients that she loves working with and so do I. 2) We feel like there will be another client-company to work with in the near future or just enough individual ones that will allow us to continue the work He’s called us to. 3) The opportunity of the moment by moment experiences where we learn to surrender to God, who gives us a clearer appreciation of the gift and beauty of “not knowing” in light of the “already Knowingness” of God, which is perfectly fitting (thou challenging) for the work we are doing. 4) Life as an Adventure: We feel that our calling is not ordinary, nor is the path we are to walk in living it, even when some of the time we think we have strayed from the path altogether, simply because we’ve never walked this before. And one more… 5) A deep sense of gratitude for all the wonderful people we get to love on and who love on us simultaneously – as we all grow into being who we really are! The double Mirror!

I wish you well as to how you will take all of this in… I can’t get all worried about that – I’ll just trust God that you and we will find our own way (however it looks) and become more aware of how to surrender and trust that God is in all of it…taking us to a greater understanding and acceptance along the path.

PS… Jim, your message a few days ago is really being felt, of how Jesus sent out the workers to do the work of loving people without knowing how they would be cared for – and in doing so, was always taken care of. Thank you for following God, as well as offering some guidance (as you get it yourself) along the way in this journey – I feel your heart and your own journey too!

Living and loving Life and others…OUT LOUD and on purpose!

~ Dave E. Anderson
http://www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com