Last night at 11:30 PM, the Durango broke down on busy Hwy. 99 (in Houston) - with Michelle, our 8-week-old son Caeden and myself. This vehicle has never broken down... So what the heck? I put it in neutral, worked the gas, but unfortunately it stalled and would not restart. The fuel gauge indicated that I still had 9 miles until empty...so, I couldn’t be out of gas. Here I was stuck in the far right lane of a 3 lane highway, and couldn’t steer it off the road because of the curb that was there. Cars were zooming past us, changing lanes just in time to miss us, but way to close for us to stay here and wait for help. So while Michelle called our friend Gary Rude for help, I lit a flare, put it in the road and pushed the Durango 30-40 yards till Michelle could steer it off the road to a safe place to wait. (Thank you Gary for coming to our rescue) And wouldn’t you know it, it started after putting in some gas... so my “break down” was just me ...running out of gas.
Well, that was the last straw, adding to all the other ways I was running out of gas emotionally and mentally. Ten minutes earlier, when we left from the Rude’s house for our weekly “Wild at Heart Couples” gathering, I asked Michelle what showed up for her emotionally when she was asked about what we were going to give each other for Christmas. Where she and I went to, were two separate places... and mine was an unhealthy and ultimately an untrue place. Of course, there was nothing wrong with their question. What was wrong was that I was building up stuff inside... and so I shared with Michelle what I was feeling... just to defuse it.
Here’s a few things that I was allowing to build up in me (see if you can see the reoccurring theme): 1) Sheldon (my older brother in North Louisiana) asked if we could come to his house for Christmas dinner, but my first response was that I couldn’t afford the gas to make the trip. 2) My neighbors alluded to all the buying that we would be doing at Christmas, with having a first born son... but we really weren’t planning on spending anything special because he doesn’t know the difference this year anyway. But, “would I feel the same way if we had money to spend?” 3) At Toastmasters, this past Friday, I gave a “Wit & Wisdom” speech about – how to give the most valuable gift, that comes straight from the heart, and doesn’t cost a cent, which is a lot of love, hugs and telling family and partner how much they mean to you. But when it came to my family, I somehow thought that was not “enough”, and that I would be short changing them. 4) ....and after the meeting, one of the members asked me to send out another message that would help us to be relaxed during the holidays. Well, here’s at least what “not doing it” looks like. Does this help? 5) I keep getting a call from the A/C people that were scheduled before Caeden’s birth (2 months ago), to add some larger ductwork in one of the bedrooms that we can’t properly regulate in temperature, and I have to give them the ‘ok’ or ‘not now’... cause I don’t have the money (like I did before the birth costs came in).
So, do you get the theme? This is what I told my wife that I was feeling: ...We don’t have money to spend at Christmas this year, I am frustrated about it, I am still struggling with “getting” that it’s really not about the money spent but the heart in which its given. She looked at me and held my hand, and with tears in her eyes, told me, “I don’t care about your spending money on us... we have been given the greatest gift, his name is Caeden. If you want, give us something you have thought deeply on and created using your own passion, art and made by you... something from your heart. It’s easy to go spend money and not have it come from your heart.” Ah yes... thank you sweetheart... I got it – Finally. Then, I ran out of gas... (and in my head I’m thinking about the danger of getting us hit and what it will cost to fix the vehicle).
So, why did you all get an email with me ranting about our financial condition and what I struggle with? For starters... I tossed and turned all night, thinking about writing an email about what I went through last night, which was no “relaxation at Christmas” for me, and because this also seemed to be the reoccurring theme at our couple’s group – “the struggle in sharing our emotions”. And when I opened my inbox this morning (to start my email), my coach had sent the following email out that seemed to explain why I had to write this one. (Note: Our truest intent is that we “share OUR Journey” as it’s being lived out... that’s it! WE have chosen to step out and into our dream and calling as life coaches and have no regrets for doing so. It has been a personally growing, stretching and surrendered adventure all the way, and this is just a part of it.)
Jim’s email, “Radical Honesty”...
"Growth always -- and only -- moves from the inside out in one's life. Honesty with God, honesty with self, honesty with one's partner and children, honesty with family of origin, honesty with chosen family, honesty in the workplace, honesty with friends, even honesty with casual acquaintances --- is one big, giant, wonderful, courageous ripple effect that will change our lives if we’re willing, and just might change the world if enough of us are willing." ~ Thomas Rutledge, author of "Embracing Fear & Finding the Courage to Own and Truly Live Your Life"
“I know that I create it all in my mind — you, myself, and all the stuff that goes with it. For me, the trick is in the choices, and creation that comes with every little notion. Radical honesty is nothing more than a means of helping me to lift the veil of my opinion and judgment …a tool to help me wake up from this bad dream, so that, at last, I can forgive myself, and consequently all others, and love completely. I am the source of all of that is 'in the way' between me and God.” ~ Leo Burmester (Actor in "The Abyss," "The Devil’s Advocate," & "A Perfect World")
“It's time, my friends, especially that one friend in particular out there who knows exactly who I'm talking to, who so many have been watching carefully and painfully, and who has been experiencing the agonizing pain of a growing awakening to and awareness of the above. We are all here, my friend, ready for the miraculous change to come, wanting to live vicariously through you, to be inspired and uplifted by you, as you struggle through crisis, but you, my friend, hold the key to your life's healing and renewal. You seek the illusion of freedom with your mind, but take the key in your hand and use it, and step through the doorway to the only true freedom there is - the freedom of the truth.
Please be our hero, because we need surrendered heroes (vs. perfect people) among us so badly, to fuel hope in our own lives, and to be a hero you must have created, inflicted, and withstood crisis of just this magnitude, so you are perfectly prepared and staged for the role.” ~ Jim Spivey, Revolution Consulting
Well... I’m not sure if Jim was calling me out (or someone else), and while I wouldn’t call myself a “hero” yet, ...it sure felt like the scene in the Matrix, when Mr. Anderson, “Neo” woke up and noticed a message to him on his computer screen. I am definitely walking through my own extremely RAW experiences openly. And my hope is that all of you know that you are not alone (in whatever you struggle with) and that you don’t have to wear the masks that cover up what is going on inside your heart, like I did, and do so often. Most of the “stuff” that shows up in my journey (after careful consideration, prayer and surrendering it to God - “the Truth”) is actually only “an illusion” that I’ve created by my own fears, which I’m identifying and prying off daily. When I “Get it out”... on paper, in prayer or with my wife or others who love me... I (and you) create a safe place to heal and connect to God, for everyone.
So... this Christmas, be the gift of truth, love, support, healing and a safe place to your loved ones. It really is the gift that doesn’t cost a cent... even though it will cost you everything - because it takes complete surrender to go deep inside your heart, find what is True and give IT away! Hmm... sounds like something someone else has done for us as well... in the “whole” love story of Jesus, who came as a baby.
Merry Christmas...
Dave E. Anderson, Life Coach
www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
HOW LOVE SET ME FREE - My Personal Story
“LOVE sees through and destroys the shame that we use to judge ourselves and others - allowing us to see what is most true and freeing us to love ourselves and others without shame.” ~ Dave E. Anderson, www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
Today is Michelle and my 2nd Anniversary!! So today, in honor of her and the amazing gift she is to me... I will share a story that has been the foundation of our marriage. Many may have heard this story before... but it deserves another hearing.
Fourteen Days after our first email to each other on Match.com, Michelle’s life coach, Jim Spivey, emailed both of us this question: “What is the one thing you would prefer that the other never finds out about you? ... Now that you're clear on what that one thing is, tell each other.”
WHAT? Tell her THAT? Is he crazy? He doesn’t know my secrets... and shames... and I don’t want her to know mine either...at least not NOW. Can I trust her? Will this be too much? How would anyone stay in a relationship knowing all this about the other... especially this early? Maybe I should wait till I really know if she’s “the one”, ...then tell her.
The reason that this was so hard for me, was because I didn’t truly believe in unconditional love and forgiveness from God or people. And therefore, I didn’t believe that anyone could know ALL about me and still be able to see past the ugly shameful things that I’ve done. I thought: If I couldn’t forgive and see past my own stuff, how could anyone else? Understand something... I preached about unconditional love for years as an ordained minister in a large denomination. And because I didn’t really get God’s love for me, I unconscientiously preached a religious message of “conditional love” through performance, judging, earning forgiveness by being “good enough”, legalism, perfectionism and self-righteously watering down the true message of Love and Grace.
So, the very web of lies I so religiously set up for myself was actually the very thing that was entangling me from openly telling my story. (I’ll give you the brief version, and invite anyone to ask for more details in a more personal conversation)
My story was full of shameful experiences that injured my heart, jaded my perspective, and left me with a lot of secret hang-ups. I had a lust addiction. It started when I was molested as a little boy, by a man in the neighborhood, then became sexually active as a teenager, getting involved in pornography, and attending strip clubs while in Bible College, all leading to a devastating lustful addiction with severe consequences, ...while being an addiction counselor of a ministry in Hawaii. Lust took over my life... and became this overwhelming demon that I felt completely trapped by, hidden behind secrecy. The amazing thing was that no one really knew anything was wrong, because I hid behind my mask of “Super Christian & Pastor” (while overwhelmed by guilt and shame and “I should know better”); all the while struggling because I believed it was not safe to share with anyone.
Anyway, all of this was my, “one thing that I would prefer her never finding out about”, and it was HUGE... and even with all my reasoning, fears and religious filters and beliefs... we took the challenge and had THAT conversation the very next weekend.
Michelle listened, asked questions and unconditionally loved me that day. Her forgiveness of my past and belief in me was MORE HUGE than what I believed she or anyone else could know about me and still love me. SHE SHOWED ME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE... and GOD SHOWED UP THROUGH HER... and MY RELIGIOUS WEB BEGAN TO CRUMBLE, as I was beginning to understand that I was SET FREE from the shame of the past, AND the past itself! Michelle was the first person ever to hear my story and she loved me bigger than I thought I deserved.
So, Michelle... my best friend... my soul mate... thank you for your amazing love for me! You are the image of “God’s unconditional love”...that continues to amaze me, even in all the crap that still shows up daily, when I forget the truth of who I AM - to you, to God, to myself and my gift to the world.
“Of course, only God can give people the strange desire to know the whole truth about themselves, and the strength and courage to live wide-open, exposed lives before one another. And how does He do it? How does He slip us this bitter pill, coated with intense desire and determination? Fortunately, the pill is also lavishly coated with the mystery we call love, which is the only thing in heaven or on earth, which can shield us from the horror of knowing what we are really like. That, in fact, is what God's love is: it is His armor, an armor of forgiveness and acceptance that we put on over our corruption, an armor of worth or worthiness that completely covers our own worthlessness. ...Only love can drive out the constant threat of condemnation and rejection that otherwise haunts and spoils all experiences of intimacy. ...We must buy others, in a sense, at the cost of ourselves, at the expense of painful self-disclosure and annihilation, just as Jesus bought us through the agonizing and passionate disclosure of the depths of God's love in the sacrifice of His Own body on the Cross.” ~ Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage (...quotes Jim sent as the basis of his challenge)
~ Dave E. Anderson, Life Coach
http://www.freedomlifeconsulting.com/Home.html
Today is Michelle and my 2nd Anniversary!! So today, in honor of her and the amazing gift she is to me... I will share a story that has been the foundation of our marriage. Many may have heard this story before... but it deserves another hearing.
Fourteen Days after our first email to each other on Match.com, Michelle’s life coach, Jim Spivey, emailed both of us this question: “What is the one thing you would prefer that the other never finds out about you? ... Now that you're clear on what that one thing is, tell each other.”
WHAT? Tell her THAT? Is he crazy? He doesn’t know my secrets... and shames... and I don’t want her to know mine either...at least not NOW. Can I trust her? Will this be too much? How would anyone stay in a relationship knowing all this about the other... especially this early? Maybe I should wait till I really know if she’s “the one”, ...then tell her.
The reason that this was so hard for me, was because I didn’t truly believe in unconditional love and forgiveness from God or people. And therefore, I didn’t believe that anyone could know ALL about me and still be able to see past the ugly shameful things that I’ve done. I thought: If I couldn’t forgive and see past my own stuff, how could anyone else? Understand something... I preached about unconditional love for years as an ordained minister in a large denomination. And because I didn’t really get God’s love for me, I unconscientiously preached a religious message of “conditional love” through performance, judging, earning forgiveness by being “good enough”, legalism, perfectionism and self-righteously watering down the true message of Love and Grace.
So, the very web of lies I so religiously set up for myself was actually the very thing that was entangling me from openly telling my story. (I’ll give you the brief version, and invite anyone to ask for more details in a more personal conversation)
My story was full of shameful experiences that injured my heart, jaded my perspective, and left me with a lot of secret hang-ups. I had a lust addiction. It started when I was molested as a little boy, by a man in the neighborhood, then became sexually active as a teenager, getting involved in pornography, and attending strip clubs while in Bible College, all leading to a devastating lustful addiction with severe consequences, ...while being an addiction counselor of a ministry in Hawaii. Lust took over my life... and became this overwhelming demon that I felt completely trapped by, hidden behind secrecy. The amazing thing was that no one really knew anything was wrong, because I hid behind my mask of “Super Christian & Pastor” (while overwhelmed by guilt and shame and “I should know better”); all the while struggling because I believed it was not safe to share with anyone.
Anyway, all of this was my, “one thing that I would prefer her never finding out about”, and it was HUGE... and even with all my reasoning, fears and religious filters and beliefs... we took the challenge and had THAT conversation the very next weekend.
Michelle listened, asked questions and unconditionally loved me that day. Her forgiveness of my past and belief in me was MORE HUGE than what I believed she or anyone else could know about me and still love me. SHE SHOWED ME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE... and GOD SHOWED UP THROUGH HER... and MY RELIGIOUS WEB BEGAN TO CRUMBLE, as I was beginning to understand that I was SET FREE from the shame of the past, AND the past itself! Michelle was the first person ever to hear my story and she loved me bigger than I thought I deserved.
So, Michelle... my best friend... my soul mate... thank you for your amazing love for me! You are the image of “God’s unconditional love”...that continues to amaze me, even in all the crap that still shows up daily, when I forget the truth of who I AM - to you, to God, to myself and my gift to the world.
“Of course, only God can give people the strange desire to know the whole truth about themselves, and the strength and courage to live wide-open, exposed lives before one another. And how does He do it? How does He slip us this bitter pill, coated with intense desire and determination? Fortunately, the pill is also lavishly coated with the mystery we call love, which is the only thing in heaven or on earth, which can shield us from the horror of knowing what we are really like. That, in fact, is what God's love is: it is His armor, an armor of forgiveness and acceptance that we put on over our corruption, an armor of worth or worthiness that completely covers our own worthlessness. ...Only love can drive out the constant threat of condemnation and rejection that otherwise haunts and spoils all experiences of intimacy. ...We must buy others, in a sense, at the cost of ourselves, at the expense of painful self-disclosure and annihilation, just as Jesus bought us through the agonizing and passionate disclosure of the depths of God's love in the sacrifice of His Own body on the Cross.” ~ Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage (...quotes Jim sent as the basis of his challenge)
~ Dave E. Anderson, Life Coach
http://www.freedomlifeconsulting.com/Home.html
Monday, November 28, 2005
Seeing Through the Fog...
“Love sees through the fog - unveiling the true beauty of a person’s heart and all the mysteries of life itself.” ~ Dave E. Anderson, www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
On Monday 7:56 AM (2 weeks ago), I went out to my favorite place at the neighborhood lake, to journal. Usually it’s a bright and sunny day, which requires me to set up my chair under a shade tree to keep from getting my head sunburned. (No laughing) That day was completely different than any other day, since coming here. I couldn’t see any of the normal beautiful scenes, like: the ducks swimming by, the variety of colorful flowers, palm trees, the shimmer of the water, the blue sky mixed with clouds and the nice breeze. Even sitting under the shade tree was no good, because of the water dripping off the leaves onto my paper. Why was this morning so different? Because there was a heavy fog, covering all the sights that make this place so beautiful. The fog brought with it a damp, uncomfortable chill, stillness, dingy colorless grey sky, and a dripping wet morning. Which was not the greatest for my journaling... so I thought.
This is what showed up for me...
What is it that you want to show or tell me THIS morning God? This is what I got: When I don’t live by my true self – it’s like I’m in a fog. In a fog, the sight distance is short and not clear, roads are slippery (for a motorcyclists... this means cautious riding), the dampness keeps things from drying out and it feels drab and miserable to be in. Then I remembered when flying above the fog and clouds in a plane. It was so clear, bright, beautiful, and sight is seemingly unlimited.
So, what does that mean for me... stay above the fog? I felt him say, that I must see like I am above the fog – seeing far, clearly and unhindered by fog ...yet while still in the midst of the FOG of life. About then, the fog began to lift just enough for me to make out images that were hidden. A momma duck with about 10 ducks followed her on the other side of the lake... colors started showing up... the trees became clear... site distance was recovered... and even a little blue sky. And then it hit me: All of the life and beauty was there the whole time – I just couldn’t see it. I didn’t recognize the beauty all around me. It was there - but just out of my site and awareness of it.
As I pondered this, I began to think about the beauty of people’s hearts, including my own. I often see through foggy lenses or get focused on my or their fog of false ego, religion, pride, arrogance, performance, judgmentalness, hurt, anger, insecurity and fail to see the true beauty, which is there the whole time... just being hidden by fog. Another thought: Fog doesn’t really shut off sight, it merely reduces how far you can see, and requires me to slow down and focus more closer to the subject I am trying to see. When it comes to people, relationships and their hearts, if I am to see them through eyes of Love... I must risk getting close enough to someone to really discover and know their true self and the beauty that is there – like finding a hidden treasure. I have to lovingly wipe away the fog to focus on what is true, what is hidden, not the fog itself.
So, it all comes down to a personal choice to Love. Unfortunately, I sometimes ignore or just refuse that choice out of anger, judgment, fear, a need to be right, hurt, unreal expectations or just because I am seeing through the FOG of lies about myself or others. All of which is not the ultimate truth of my heart or theirs. Maybe even my awareness level gets foggy on how much I am loved, which would free me to love as an overflow of what I have received. Too often I have made up that I can’t love others, especially those with a lot of fog around them, as if giving love away would leave me empty. Hmmm, something to think about.
So today, I choose to see clearly my circumstances and truly love others and self by seeing what is true and beautiful, even when my natural eyes see... HEAVY FOG.
By Dave E. Anderson, Life Coach
November 28, 2005
www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
On Monday 7:56 AM (2 weeks ago), I went out to my favorite place at the neighborhood lake, to journal. Usually it’s a bright and sunny day, which requires me to set up my chair under a shade tree to keep from getting my head sunburned. (No laughing) That day was completely different than any other day, since coming here. I couldn’t see any of the normal beautiful scenes, like: the ducks swimming by, the variety of colorful flowers, palm trees, the shimmer of the water, the blue sky mixed with clouds and the nice breeze. Even sitting under the shade tree was no good, because of the water dripping off the leaves onto my paper. Why was this morning so different? Because there was a heavy fog, covering all the sights that make this place so beautiful. The fog brought with it a damp, uncomfortable chill, stillness, dingy colorless grey sky, and a dripping wet morning. Which was not the greatest for my journaling... so I thought.
This is what showed up for me...
What is it that you want to show or tell me THIS morning God? This is what I got: When I don’t live by my true self – it’s like I’m in a fog. In a fog, the sight distance is short and not clear, roads are slippery (for a motorcyclists... this means cautious riding), the dampness keeps things from drying out and it feels drab and miserable to be in. Then I remembered when flying above the fog and clouds in a plane. It was so clear, bright, beautiful, and sight is seemingly unlimited.
So, what does that mean for me... stay above the fog? I felt him say, that I must see like I am above the fog – seeing far, clearly and unhindered by fog ...yet while still in the midst of the FOG of life. About then, the fog began to lift just enough for me to make out images that were hidden. A momma duck with about 10 ducks followed her on the other side of the lake... colors started showing up... the trees became clear... site distance was recovered... and even a little blue sky. And then it hit me: All of the life and beauty was there the whole time – I just couldn’t see it. I didn’t recognize the beauty all around me. It was there - but just out of my site and awareness of it.
As I pondered this, I began to think about the beauty of people’s hearts, including my own. I often see through foggy lenses or get focused on my or their fog of false ego, religion, pride, arrogance, performance, judgmentalness, hurt, anger, insecurity and fail to see the true beauty, which is there the whole time... just being hidden by fog. Another thought: Fog doesn’t really shut off sight, it merely reduces how far you can see, and requires me to slow down and focus more closer to the subject I am trying to see. When it comes to people, relationships and their hearts, if I am to see them through eyes of Love... I must risk getting close enough to someone to really discover and know their true self and the beauty that is there – like finding a hidden treasure. I have to lovingly wipe away the fog to focus on what is true, what is hidden, not the fog itself.
So, it all comes down to a personal choice to Love. Unfortunately, I sometimes ignore or just refuse that choice out of anger, judgment, fear, a need to be right, hurt, unreal expectations or just because I am seeing through the FOG of lies about myself or others. All of which is not the ultimate truth of my heart or theirs. Maybe even my awareness level gets foggy on how much I am loved, which would free me to love as an overflow of what I have received. Too often I have made up that I can’t love others, especially those with a lot of fog around them, as if giving love away would leave me empty. Hmmm, something to think about.
So today, I choose to see clearly my circumstances and truly love others and self by seeing what is true and beautiful, even when my natural eyes see... HEAVY FOG.
By Dave E. Anderson, Life Coach
November 28, 2005
www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
Thursday, November 17, 2005
In Response to "RAW Living"
Wow... I'm almost speechless at the personal messages I have gotten back over the last couple of days. It's taken me until now to just soak in all the amazing stories, and personal "I needed that" / "that's how I feel too" responses and overwhelming support and encourage from my friends and family regarding this message of "RAW Living". I feel SO loved, honored, appreciated and connected by all of you that responded. These last couple of days have been SACRED MOMENTS for me... and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Now I get the beauty and healing power of words spoken honestly, truthfully and in LOVE. You ALL have truly touched my heart.
THIS is what community is all about....and I'm looking forward to more messages flying both ways.
You should have seen Michelle & I sitting on the couch reading all of them. We were crying, at awe, laughing....and feeling God saying to me: "See what happens when you are honest and vulnerable with others and remove your own masks? It gives permission for others to do the same". ....It felt so right... so authentic... so RAW.
Because of such of an overwhelming number of you that wrote me back personal notes...I am struggling as to how to respond quickly to ALL of you that sent me a message. So, for now...let this "generic" message communicate the true heart of what I felt from your responses to me ("Generic" only in that it is being sent to all 364 of you), while I personally respond to each of you after this weekend.
This weekend: One major reason that I can't respond quickly, is because Michelle, Caeden and I will be speaking, or more like: "Having a conversation", on the topic of "Finding your Authentic Life" at a Single's retreat on Friday thru Sunday....and we are preparing for that now. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we share our hearts. Caeden will have the easy part...He just has to show up and BE HIMSELF... which IS "the message" that he will be speaking loud and clear--without saying a word. It's also the message we all will be trying to learn: BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE...YOUR TRUE SELF, your CHILD-OF-GOD SELF.
"But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves." John 1:12, The Message Bible
~ Dave Anderson, www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
THIS is what community is all about....and I'm looking forward to more messages flying both ways.
You should have seen Michelle & I sitting on the couch reading all of them. We were crying, at awe, laughing....and feeling God saying to me: "See what happens when you are honest and vulnerable with others and remove your own masks? It gives permission for others to do the same". ....It felt so right... so authentic... so RAW.
Because of such of an overwhelming number of you that wrote me back personal notes...I am struggling as to how to respond quickly to ALL of you that sent me a message. So, for now...let this "generic" message communicate the true heart of what I felt from your responses to me ("Generic" only in that it is being sent to all 364 of you), while I personally respond to each of you after this weekend.
This weekend: One major reason that I can't respond quickly, is because Michelle, Caeden and I will be speaking, or more like: "Having a conversation", on the topic of "Finding your Authentic Life" at a Single's retreat on Friday thru Sunday....and we are preparing for that now. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we share our hearts. Caeden will have the easy part...He just has to show up and BE HIMSELF... which IS "the message" that he will be speaking loud and clear--without saying a word. It's also the message we all will be trying to learn: BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE...YOUR TRUE SELF, your CHILD-OF-GOD SELF.
"But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves." John 1:12, The Message Bible
~ Dave Anderson, www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Raw Living - November 15, 2005
“In order to rest peacefully, sometimes we just have to vomit up what’s not suppose to be there.” ~ Dave Anderson (What my son, Caeden, taught me on day 12 of his life as he slept comfortably on my wife’s shoulder moments after vomiting.)
Today I start a journal that is true of my life’s journey and public for the world to see... even my personal world of friends, family and those I coach. THIS is what I must do to be true to my heart, my calling and my life as it continues to be experienced – told as RAW and in full color. Hold on to your seats... cause this is the open and honest side of me that I have always hidden - for fear of not looking good enough, blaming others for my “crap” (issues), or going against my mask of perfectionism that I wear around people, including myself. I hope you will join me along this journey and give me HONEST feedback... argue with me if that’s what you need to do... ask the personal question of: “Is any personal application for me?” ...or delete the messages and tell me to stop sending them. I am only requesting of YOU to read a few of them... then decide if you would like to keep them coming or not. I hope to hear back from some of you. By the way... I have been saying I wanted to do something like this for more than 18 months... so this is a big day for me.
So, here we go...
Two weekends ago sort of came to a head for me... and something had to give! I faced some ugly feelings that were inside of me that I was ignoring or just acting like they were not there at all, and they were affecting my overall life, perspective and passions as a man, husband, Christian, dad and life coach. I had to get really open and honest about my feelings, and truly listen to my own coaching, to say what’s inside... and quit trying to make my feelings look good or better than they really were.
Over the past few months, I have beat myself up for being so disengaged in some important areas of my life (i.e. my private daily journaling, writing the public “Freedom Life Journals” and life metaphors around my daily experiences and motorcycles, etc.). Feelings were showing up inside of me, like: “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why am I stuck & disengaged?” or “What’s my problem?” among others. They were sapping the very life and purpose out of my heart and leaving me feeling miserable, broken and angry. Hey, I am a life coach – I’m a person that should have it all together, right? But inside I was feeling like a fraud. That’s when on Friday, 10/28/05 my coach, Jim Spivey, came over to visit and meet our 1st born son. (Caeden Jonathan Anderson, who was born Oct. 18, 2005 at 8:43 PM, weighing in at 9 lb. 5 oz.!)
In our conversation some key issues and attitudes of judgment and control, frustration and inner anger became our topic of discussion (not “outer anger”, that would be too HONEST of me). Jim called me on my half-hearted nods of “I get it”. I was listening... but not ready yet to really hear him, but instead, I was going to a place of “I don’t feel like THAT”, hiding, blaming others, and running from owning my true feelings. (Thank you Jim... for loving me enough to take me to the true feelings you saw in me that I needed to face...so I could get them out and see more than what I saw.)
Sunday afternoon, I took my journal and headed off to a neighborhood lake, a quiet place near my house to get really honest with myself and how I felt. It was time for God and I to hash it all out.
Here are some exerts from the lake that Sunday:
“God, what have I forgotten or missing that makes me feel so locked up and NOT feeling free to live the way I know I was meant to live? What’s going on inside of me? What do I genuinely feel right now? (Here’s what came gushing out... Raw but honest): I feel lost, behind, in too much debt, afraid, overwhelmed, loaded down, frustrated, not in a good place, weak, empty, broken, quieted, forsaken, cheated, a fraud, not enough, alone, inadequate, judgmental, selfish, drained, hurting, attacked, human, missing it, mad, angry, repressed, stuck, clipped of my wings, and tired. Ok, the dirty and un-pure water is flushing out, now the clean can flow. (I picture an old rusty water faucet being pried open after years of not being used - rust and dirty water oozing out).
So God, as I sit and listen to you, my heart, my amazing wife and son, my coach, this ministry/calling in its own infancy state, I also feel: Loved, remembered, empowered, awakened, (Now the rusty water was starting to clear up and it become fresh, drinkable and unlimited in supply), birthed, growing, a visionary, stable, hungry, engaged, preparing, ready, fulfilled, helpful to others, strong, a fighter, powerful, able, more than enough, insightful, focused, promised, on track, not alone, surrendered, afraid of only ‘not trying’, pressed but not overwhelmed, pulling through, coming out of debt, getting it, strong, full of life and God’s message, shaken to pieces to be rebuilt, loudly expressed, not forsaken, among a team, learning new attitudes, the real thing, adequate, owning my own life without blame, giving and not taking, being restored, hurting but healing, not a victim, releasing my anger, open and speaking the truth of my feelings without fear, pulling out of being stuck, flinging high, strengthened, and tapped into my source of life - God!”
At this time, I heard the heart of God, my wife and the voice of my coach (Jim) telling me to “write about your experience of feeling stuck about writing”. Even though this scares the crap out of me, I will write about this process, and how it doesn’t have to be a perfect “product”, for it to be read. I will also share my struggles along the way in this journey of surrender (in real time), and because it’s a process... it’s ok to look messy along the way. That, I’m learning from my 12-day-old son (at the initial writing of this & whose story I’ll tell in the near future). In fact, that’s the most honest subject I can write about: The honest true life of a person, who is a husband, dad, brother, son, friend, follower of Christ and a life coach. So, while most people put out their best stuff, you will hear the honest, unpolished, sometimes ugly, yet beautifully growing side of Dave Anderson and my experience of being me... discovering the authentic me!
~ Dave Anderson,
http://www.freedomlifeconsulting.com/Home.html
Today I start a journal that is true of my life’s journey and public for the world to see... even my personal world of friends, family and those I coach. THIS is what I must do to be true to my heart, my calling and my life as it continues to be experienced – told as RAW and in full color. Hold on to your seats... cause this is the open and honest side of me that I have always hidden - for fear of not looking good enough, blaming others for my “crap” (issues), or going against my mask of perfectionism that I wear around people, including myself. I hope you will join me along this journey and give me HONEST feedback... argue with me if that’s what you need to do... ask the personal question of: “Is any personal application for me?” ...or delete the messages and tell me to stop sending them. I am only requesting of YOU to read a few of them... then decide if you would like to keep them coming or not. I hope to hear back from some of you. By the way... I have been saying I wanted to do something like this for more than 18 months... so this is a big day for me.
So, here we go...
Two weekends ago sort of came to a head for me... and something had to give! I faced some ugly feelings that were inside of me that I was ignoring or just acting like they were not there at all, and they were affecting my overall life, perspective and passions as a man, husband, Christian, dad and life coach. I had to get really open and honest about my feelings, and truly listen to my own coaching, to say what’s inside... and quit trying to make my feelings look good or better than they really were.
Over the past few months, I have beat myself up for being so disengaged in some important areas of my life (i.e. my private daily journaling, writing the public “Freedom Life Journals” and life metaphors around my daily experiences and motorcycles, etc.). Feelings were showing up inside of me, like: “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why am I stuck & disengaged?” or “What’s my problem?” among others. They were sapping the very life and purpose out of my heart and leaving me feeling miserable, broken and angry. Hey, I am a life coach – I’m a person that should have it all together, right? But inside I was feeling like a fraud. That’s when on Friday, 10/28/05 my coach, Jim Spivey, came over to visit and meet our 1st born son. (Caeden Jonathan Anderson, who was born Oct. 18, 2005 at 8:43 PM, weighing in at 9 lb. 5 oz.!)
In our conversation some key issues and attitudes of judgment and control, frustration and inner anger became our topic of discussion (not “outer anger”, that would be too HONEST of me). Jim called me on my half-hearted nods of “I get it”. I was listening... but not ready yet to really hear him, but instead, I was going to a place of “I don’t feel like THAT”, hiding, blaming others, and running from owning my true feelings. (Thank you Jim... for loving me enough to take me to the true feelings you saw in me that I needed to face...so I could get them out and see more than what I saw.)
Sunday afternoon, I took my journal and headed off to a neighborhood lake, a quiet place near my house to get really honest with myself and how I felt. It was time for God and I to hash it all out.
Here are some exerts from the lake that Sunday:
“God, what have I forgotten or missing that makes me feel so locked up and NOT feeling free to live the way I know I was meant to live? What’s going on inside of me? What do I genuinely feel right now? (Here’s what came gushing out... Raw but honest): I feel lost, behind, in too much debt, afraid, overwhelmed, loaded down, frustrated, not in a good place, weak, empty, broken, quieted, forsaken, cheated, a fraud, not enough, alone, inadequate, judgmental, selfish, drained, hurting, attacked, human, missing it, mad, angry, repressed, stuck, clipped of my wings, and tired. Ok, the dirty and un-pure water is flushing out, now the clean can flow. (I picture an old rusty water faucet being pried open after years of not being used - rust and dirty water oozing out).
So God, as I sit and listen to you, my heart, my amazing wife and son, my coach, this ministry/calling in its own infancy state, I also feel: Loved, remembered, empowered, awakened, (Now the rusty water was starting to clear up and it become fresh, drinkable and unlimited in supply), birthed, growing, a visionary, stable, hungry, engaged, preparing, ready, fulfilled, helpful to others, strong, a fighter, powerful, able, more than enough, insightful, focused, promised, on track, not alone, surrendered, afraid of only ‘not trying’, pressed but not overwhelmed, pulling through, coming out of debt, getting it, strong, full of life and God’s message, shaken to pieces to be rebuilt, loudly expressed, not forsaken, among a team, learning new attitudes, the real thing, adequate, owning my own life without blame, giving and not taking, being restored, hurting but healing, not a victim, releasing my anger, open and speaking the truth of my feelings without fear, pulling out of being stuck, flinging high, strengthened, and tapped into my source of life - God!”
At this time, I heard the heart of God, my wife and the voice of my coach (Jim) telling me to “write about your experience of feeling stuck about writing”. Even though this scares the crap out of me, I will write about this process, and how it doesn’t have to be a perfect “product”, for it to be read. I will also share my struggles along the way in this journey of surrender (in real time), and because it’s a process... it’s ok to look messy along the way. That, I’m learning from my 12-day-old son (at the initial writing of this & whose story I’ll tell in the near future). In fact, that’s the most honest subject I can write about: The honest true life of a person, who is a husband, dad, brother, son, friend, follower of Christ and a life coach. So, while most people put out their best stuff, you will hear the honest, unpolished, sometimes ugly, yet beautifully growing side of Dave Anderson and my experience of being me... discovering the authentic me!
~ Dave Anderson,
http://www.freedomlifeconsulting.com/Home.html
Friday, November 11, 2005
Dave & Michelle Anderson's Son is Born ...Caeden Jonathan Anderson
Hello Everyone...Friends and Family...!! We have some very (long overdue) exciting news to share with you.
As proud parents we are happy to announce the birth of our son, Caeden Jonathan Anderson! He has birthed two parents that are in awe of him and all he is teaching us about love, life, and God's timing in all things. He was born on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 8:43 p.m. weighing in at 9 lbs. and 5 ozs. and stretching out to 21 inches.
He has beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes and his name means: Caeden -"Wise Warrior", Jonathan -"God's Gracious Gift".
Some of you know that we intended to have a home birth, but God had other plans and we needed some extra help and ended up delivering at West Houston Medical Center after being in labor on and off for 4 days. He was born at the 42 week and one day mark...15 days past the 40 week due date. But according to us, he was right on time. It was quite an amazing and beautiful journey, with a victorious ending; we wouldn't change a thing.
We are thankful for those of you that were there to labor with us and to witness his birth, we could not have done it without you. You all were a special blessing to Dave, Caeden and me: Cathy, Natalie, Connie, Debbie, Kristen (& Dean), Pam, Mom & Dr. Torres. And a special thank you to all of you who were praying for us...your prayers were heard and felt.
We are all adjusting really well. My recovery is a little slower than I would like (4th degree episiotomy), but I am getting better everyday. Caeden sleeps, eats, poops and pees really well (especially when it's my turn to change his diaper). He is a smiley little boy who has a great personality...he is very alert and very "chill". He is now 3 weeks and 3 days old and close to 11 lbs. already.
Dave and I LOVE being Caeden's parents. It is a great honor and privilege to have this little man in our lives and to be his stewards. We are very humbled by this whole event. Thank you Caeden for being here, thank you for your grace and forgiveness as we figure out how to do this thing called "parenting". And a HUGE Thank YOU to God for his love and grace being showered on us. We surrender to it and receive it ALL!! We love you Lord! You are amazing!
We have posted some photos on our website...please check out our gracious gift from God on "The Coaches" page of our website. His picture is under my photo (Michelle) and the link is called Caeden's Photo Album.
We will be updating the photos on a regular basis so please keep checking back for any changes or additions.
We love you all!
Michelle, Dave & Caeden
www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
As proud parents we are happy to announce the birth of our son, Caeden Jonathan Anderson! He has birthed two parents that are in awe of him and all he is teaching us about love, life, and God's timing in all things. He was born on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 8:43 p.m. weighing in at 9 lbs. and 5 ozs. and stretching out to 21 inches.
He has beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes and his name means: Caeden -"Wise Warrior", Jonathan -"God's Gracious Gift".
Some of you know that we intended to have a home birth, but God had other plans and we needed some extra help and ended up delivering at West Houston Medical Center after being in labor on and off for 4 days. He was born at the 42 week and one day mark...15 days past the 40 week due date. But according to us, he was right on time. It was quite an amazing and beautiful journey, with a victorious ending; we wouldn't change a thing.
We are thankful for those of you that were there to labor with us and to witness his birth, we could not have done it without you. You all were a special blessing to Dave, Caeden and me: Cathy, Natalie, Connie, Debbie, Kristen (& Dean), Pam, Mom & Dr. Torres. And a special thank you to all of you who were praying for us...your prayers were heard and felt.
We are all adjusting really well. My recovery is a little slower than I would like (4th degree episiotomy), but I am getting better everyday. Caeden sleeps, eats, poops and pees really well (especially when it's my turn to change his diaper). He is a smiley little boy who has a great personality...he is very alert and very "chill". He is now 3 weeks and 3 days old and close to 11 lbs. already.
Dave and I LOVE being Caeden's parents. It is a great honor and privilege to have this little man in our lives and to be his stewards. We are very humbled by this whole event. Thank you Caeden for being here, thank you for your grace and forgiveness as we figure out how to do this thing called "parenting". And a HUGE Thank YOU to God for his love and grace being showered on us. We surrender to it and receive it ALL!! We love you Lord! You are amazing!
We have posted some photos on our website...please check out our gracious gift from God on "The Coaches" page of our website. His picture is under my photo (Michelle) and the link is called Caeden's Photo Album.
We will be updating the photos on a regular basis so please keep checking back for any changes or additions.
We love you all!
Michelle, Dave & Caeden
www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com
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