HOW LOVE SET ME FREE - My Personal Story

“LOVE sees through and destroys the shame that we use to judge ourselves and others - allowing us to see what is most true and freeing us to love ourselves and others without shame.” ~ Dave E. Anderson, www.FreedomLifeConsulting.com

Today is Michelle and my 2nd Anniversary!! So today, in honor of her and the amazing gift she is to me... I will share a story that has been the foundation of our marriage. Many may have heard this story before... but it deserves another hearing.

Fourteen Days after our first email to each other on Match.com, Michelle’s life coach, Jim Spivey, emailed both of us this question: “What is the one thing you would prefer that the other never finds out about you? ... Now that you're clear on what that one thing is, tell each other.”

WHAT? Tell her THAT? Is he crazy? He doesn’t know my secrets... and shames... and I don’t want her to know mine either...at least not NOW. Can I trust her? Will this be too much? How would anyone stay in a relationship knowing all this about the other... especially this early? Maybe I should wait till I really know if she’s “the one”, ...then tell her.

The reason that this was so hard for me, was because I didn’t truly believe in unconditional love and forgiveness from God or people. And therefore, I didn’t believe that anyone could know ALL about me and still be able to see past the ugly shameful things that I’ve done. I thought: If I couldn’t forgive and see past my own stuff, how could anyone else? Understand something... I preached about unconditional love for years as an ordained minister in a large denomination. And because I didn’t really get God’s love for me, I unconscientiously preached a religious message of “conditional love” through performance, judging, earning forgiveness by being “good enough”, legalism, perfectionism and self-righteously watering down the true message of Love and Grace.

So, the very web of lies I so religiously set up for myself was actually the very thing that was entangling me from openly telling my story. (I’ll give you the brief version, and invite anyone to ask for more details in a more personal conversation)

My story was full of shameful experiences that injured my heart, jaded my perspective, and left me with a lot of secret hang-ups. I had a lust addiction. It started when I was molested as a little boy, by a man in the neighborhood, then became sexually active as a teenager, getting involved in pornography, and attending strip clubs while in Bible College, all leading to a devastating lustful addiction with severe consequences, ...while being an addiction counselor of a ministry in Hawaii. Lust took over my life... and became this overwhelming demon that I felt completely trapped by, hidden behind secrecy. The amazing thing was that no one really knew anything was wrong, because I hid behind my mask of “Super Christian & Pastor” (while overwhelmed by guilt and shame and “I should know better”); all the while struggling because I believed it was not safe to share with anyone.

Anyway, all of this was my, “one thing that I would prefer her never finding out about”, and it was HUGE... and even with all my reasoning, fears and religious filters and beliefs... we took the challenge and had THAT conversation the very next weekend.

Michelle listened, asked questions and unconditionally loved me that day. Her forgiveness of my past and belief in me was MORE HUGE than what I believed she or anyone else could know about me and still love me. SHE SHOWED ME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE... and GOD SHOWED UP THROUGH HER... and MY RELIGIOUS WEB BEGAN TO CRUMBLE, as I was beginning to understand that I was SET FREE from the shame of the past, AND the past itself! Michelle was the first person ever to hear my story and she loved me bigger than I thought I deserved.

So, Michelle... my best friend... my soul mate... thank you for your amazing love for me! You are the image of “God’s unconditional love”...that continues to amaze me, even in all the crap that still shows up daily, when I forget the truth of who I AM - to you, to God, to myself and my gift to the world.

“Of course, only God can give people the strange desire to know the whole truth about themselves, and the strength and courage to live wide-open, exposed lives before one another. And how does He do it? How does He slip us this bitter pill, coated with intense desire and determination? Fortunately, the pill is also lavishly coated with the mystery we call love, which is the only thing in heaven or on earth, which can shield us from the horror of knowing what we are really like. That, in fact, is what God's love is: it is His armor, an armor of forgiveness and acceptance that we put on over our corruption, an armor of worth or worthiness that completely covers our own worthlessness. ...Only love can drive out the constant threat of condemnation and rejection that otherwise haunts and spoils all experiences of intimacy. ...We must buy others, in a sense, at the cost of ourselves, at the expense of painful self-disclosure and annihilation, just as Jesus bought us through the agonizing and passionate disclosure of the depths of God's love in the sacrifice of His Own body on the Cross.” ~ Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage (...quotes Jim sent as the basis of his challenge)

~ Dave E. Anderson, Life Coach
http://www.freedomlifeconsulting.com/Home.html